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A Proper Introduction
By Patricia Linderman, State spouse
A year into our previous tour, in Havana, I wrote a humorous poem for some friends who were leaving post. After the dramatic reading of my opus at the farewell party, several of my husband's colleagues congratulated me, saying something like: "We didn't know you had such talent."
Really, how could they know that I happen to be able to write a pretty good silly poem, or that I have a master's degree in literature?
Oh, sorry ... did I sound a little boastful there? That's exactly the problem I'm getting at. When my husband arrived at post, people immediately recognized his specialty, his rank and the framed awards on his office wall. Yet to our new community, I appeared simply as a married person with two small children, but otherwise a blank.
We accompanying partners must rebuild our reputations from scratch at each post -- re-establish our credentials, so to speak. We are a wonderfully varied lot, with diverse backgrounds, skills and interests. Yet since we naturally hesitate to trumpet our own achievements, this information leaks out only slowly. At a meeting to organize Havana's new community association, a plea was made for a volunteer treasurer. "I'm an accountant," said one spouse, and everyone gasped. They never knew ....
I applaud the Family Liaison Office's new "Resumé Connection" initiative, to help family members forward their qualifications to a new post. But information about spouses' talents is important for many reasons -- and not just to help match us to the latest PIT job openings. It can help us find friends with similar interests, network for employment outside the mission, apply our skills most effectively in volunteer work, and simply gain the respect we crave (and deserve!) as we are jolted from post to post every few years.
The same thing is true of teenagers, accompanying parents, and even younger children. Wouldn't it be nice to know that someone in the community babysits, loves baseball, or knows how to embroider?
So how can we do better? Have our resumés printed on T-shirts and wear them to welcome receptions? No, seriously. I would like to suggest four simple measures to help boost family member visibility -- and morale -- at post:
1. More assertive "networking."
At conferences, workshops and similar gatherings, people introduce themselves to strangers with a quick, straightforward summary of their accomplishments and professional goals. I think family members can benefit from this approach as well.
While other community members may ask a newcomer if she plays tennis, for instance, they rarely take the initiative to ask about her professional interests. This has its courteous side -- having spent several years as a full-time parent, I appreciate the absence of the dreaded Washington question: "What do you do?" But it also means that if you want your new community to know more about you, you may have to tell them yourself.
Before arriving in a new country (maybe while enjoying a relaxing home leave -- just kidding!), take stock of your achievements and objectives. These may include family responsibilities, hobbies, volunteer activities and so forth, of course, not just paid work. How would you like to be recognized? What do you hope to accomplish during your time at post?
Then prepare a few lines you will feel comfortable saying to people you meet. Including a question helps make it clear that you are networking rather than simply blowing your own horn. For example: "I taught Thai cooking classes at my last post. Do you know of an Asian food market anywhere around here?" When I arrived in Havana, I could have -- should have -- said: "I studied literature and am working on my writing. Is there a writers' group or book circle here, or do you know anyone who might be interested in starting one?"
2. Newsletter profiles.
Mini-profiles of arriving family members in the post newsletter take little extra work and are extremely helpful: "We welcome Issa Officer, our new Administrative Counselor, to post. Her husband, Knott N. Officer, is a retired stockbroker and skydiving teacher who also enjoys model airplane building. He received the Community Service Award at his last post for his 'Model Airplanes for Orphans' initiative."
When I later became editor of Havana's newsletter, I interviewed several of my fellow spouses and published their biographies. The results were both fascinating and well-received.
With e-mail, it is easier than ever to find out the skills and interests of new family members even before they arrive at post. Putting this information in the newsletter can help encourage people with similar interests to volunteer as sponsors or to contact the newcomer soon after arrival.
3. A community skills bank.
Why not extend a kind of "Resumé Connection" to all family members, whether they are looking for paid employment or not? The CLO coordinator could prepare a (voluntary) questionnaire about each family member's special qualifications, achievements, hobbies and volunteer interests. The results could then be made available to the rest of the community in the CLO office.
4. Introductory remarks.
The simplest but perhaps most effective measure of all is to introduce new family members at welcome receptions and newcomers' events with some brief but informative remarks by the host or hostess (similar to the newsletter profile mentioned above). Public speakers receive introductions so they aren't required to boast of their own accomplishments. Family members deserve no less. Interesting information about the newcomer will also prompt the other guests to ask follow-up questions, leading naturally into the "networking" conversation mentioned above.
With a proper introduction -- in the newsletter, by others and by ourselves -- we can more easily bring our hidden talents out into the light. The community will benefit as we put our skills to use. But most importantly, we will gain the boost in morale, motivation and self-esteem that comes from being recognized not just as members of a family or a community, but as the diverse, interesting, talented individuals we are.
Patricia Linderman is currently enjoying her fourth post, Leipzig, Germany, with her Foreign Service husband and two sons. She is still "working on her writing," some of which can be found at Tales from a Small Planet and American Diplomacy .